So, you’re engaged. YAY! Congrats! I’m truly so happy for you but, now this is where the real work starts. You’ve been looking at venue after venue, flower after flower, but nothing feels quite right. Then, you find it. The most magical, perfect, everything you could have dreamed of place for your wedding just one catch; it’s literally across the world. So, now you’re at a crossroads. And you start to think are destination weddings selfish?
What is a Destination Wedding?
Let’s just get all the facts straight first before we jump to any and all conclusions. I think typically destination weddings are thought of as weddings that happen in a foreign country where everyone (guests, wedding party, bride, groom, etc.) are expected to travel and stay at a luxe resort where all the wedding festivities will happen eg. rehearsal dinner, ceremony, reception, etc.
But, I think in a more general sense destination weddings are weddings that take place where EVERYONE must travel to a place not within 50 miles. So, I live in California, beaches here are great, awesome even, but the water is freezing and we get some fog here in the east bay but through and through I love where I live. A destination wedding in Hawaii or San Diego is still a destination if we’re all flying there. 50 miles is honestly just an arbitrary number so I hope you get my drift. If my whole family and friends were to come to my wedding in San Diego they would still all need accommodations and I’d still have to do remote planning most likely, etc. You see what I’m saying, right?
So, now that we’re clear on what a destination wedding is. Are destination wedding selfish? The big question right! So, let talk about some things people would say to you about you being “selfish.”
You Are Just Trying to Weed People Out.
If you’re feeling like you need to invite everyone and their mother and their second cousin twice removed, and that one best friend from when you were 5 that you just happened to reconnect with – then yeah maybe you are using this as a way to weed people out.
But, I feel fairly confident that 99% of you don’t feel that way. I know without a doubt that when my special day come I will only invite people that I feel have 100% supported me throughout my life and I hope my partner feels the same. Of course, I think to some extent this is easier said than done. But, honey, this is YOUR wedding so you do what you damn well please. Invite that person don’t invite that person. This day is about you and everything you want to be happy. If someone is going to bitch and moan about being there do you really even want them there anyway? So, you do you BOO. And are destination weddings selfish if they really help you determine who those real day-ones are?
You Just Want It Far Away to Save Costs.
I say yes and no. It’s all about location. Bottom line. You can have a cheap wedding in California in your backyard or you can rent the Ritz Carlton. I mean which location do you think is cheaper?
I think most people think that staying in a luxe resort in Thailand or Bali will be cheaper than a resort in Hawaii. Essentially thinking that you’ll get the most bang for you buck and 90% of the time I think this is true. But, as a person that likes amenities and has high expectations no matter where my wedding is I will get what I want and pay the pretty penny or not. And not everyone’s budget works that way and things can add up quickly for sure.
But, if thinking you’re going to get a cheaper wedding guaranteed from going oversees you need to start considering a lot of things like travel which includes: tickets, accommodations, food, possibly rentals. Then there’s planning, photography, the DJ, permits, if you need one, the paperwork after the fact. I think that yes in some part the wedding might be cheaper somewhere other than the states but it also might not be.
This Doesn’t Even Count As A Vacation For Me!
I mean I’m a firm believer in making the best out of situations. So, if you want a vacation you can make that happen. I think if you’re in the wedding this might be a bit more challenging as you have certain responsibilities that won’t be over till the I do’s but I mean there alway the party, relaxation, and vacation after the fact.
And if you’re not in the wedding party then do your thang with some vacay time. I mean if you’re going to be all uptight about having to come to this beautiful place maybe you don’t need to come. Because last time I checked the wedding was suppose to be about the love between two people and if you’re more concerned about yourself you can stay home.
You Expect To Fly There, Stay and Get You A Gift?!
As the bride this is totally your call have the guests get you a give, you can let them off the hook, only people that don’t come. I mean you do what feels best in your heart.
I think that though yes it is tradition for guests to get the couple gifts I mean you’re having a destination so can you just say screw tradition??
Maybe you don’t want to screw tradition and you really want that blender on your wedding registry. I think setting expectations low so you won’t be disappointed. And what I mean by this is that some people can afford to come and buy that blender but won’t and maybe someone people will. Some people can maybe pinch out one. And some people can’t afford either. Honestly, it should be about the thought and love that someone shows you surrounding that day. That’s truly what matter most.
I think is where being selfish can really come into play. And if at any point you think you’re being selfish and the question are destination weddings selfish pops back into your mind maybe come back to this post or do some self reflection and checking to make sure you’re not staying from your true reasons.
So, Are Destinations Weddings Actually Selfish?
I think that it all comes down to having the day that you want. The day you’ve alway imagined. The day that will make you happiest person alive. This day will be the one you think about when time are tough when your marriage ebbs and flows with life. Wouldn’t it be wrong for it not to be the best day of your life? I think if that makes you selfish then we can be best friends. Because life is too short not to make yourself happy and have your dreams come true.
So, are destination weddings selfish? The million dollar question right?You’ve read what I have to say. If you couldn’t tell I’m definitely for them. Let me know what you think in the comments below.
Hi I'm Torez, a die-hard romantic and San Francisco-based wedding photographer with years of experience capturing love stories against the backdrop of our charming city. From intimate City Hall ceremonies to epic coastal elopements, I've seen and photographed it all. I know the ins and outs of navigating wedding planning in San Francisco like the back of my hand - from selecting the perfect location that aligns with your love story, to creating the dreamiest wedding timeline that lets you enjoy your day to the fullest. And guess what? I'm sharing all of that expertise right here with you.